If.

If I were a month, I’d be May.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Tuesday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be 2am.
If I were a planet, I’d be Venus.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a octopus.
If I were a direction, I’d be up.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be an old comfy chair.
If I were a liquid, I’d be rum.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be an emerald.
If I were a tree, I’d be a lilac tree.
If I were a flower, I’d be a white lily.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a harmonica.
If I were a color, I’d be crimson.
If I were an emotion, I’d be joy.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a pineapple.
If I were an element, I’d be fire.
If I were a food, I’d be lavender ice cream.
If I were a scent, I’d be vanilla.
If I were an object, I’d be an iPod.
If I were a body part, I’d be lips.
If I were a song, I’d be Body in A Box by City and Colour.
If I were a relationship status, I’d be single.
If I were a kiss, I’d be a secret kiss, fast and special.

Obsession.

It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change.

Maybe.

“All my resistance will never be distance enough” Anna Nalick.

A hurt like that doesn’t come around often. Usually, it sneaks up on you, has you gasping for air in the corner of a crowded place wondering what happened. That’s how it was for me. The worst part is that I can’t be mad. I can’t yell or question or do anything externally. There are no allegiances here that warrant my emotions. Yet somehow you have them. At some point I let my guard down, and now here I am, kicking myself for it.

"Don't delay. Something tells me I gotta go away
Maybe it's the way we always stay, when our hearts have gone" Indgrid Michaelson.



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Now playing: Ingrid Michaelson - Maybe
via FoxyTunes

The Quote Life.

"All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust." From Peter Pan.

“Someday, someone is going to walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.” Unknown.

“There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.” – Harry Crews

“Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment. Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it.” Sarah Dessen

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” Dave Mathews

“I’ve learned that: goodbyes will always hurt, pictures can never replace being there, memories forget the hard times, words can never replace feelings, and heros often go unsung.” Unknown.

“Say I love you and mean it, don’t just say it cause you can.” Unknown.

“Men may play the game, but women know the score.” Unknown.

“I don’t understand how he can be such an asshole and be so nice.” Britney Spears

“one of the cruelest things you can do to another person is pretend that you care about them more than you really do.” Douglas Coupland

“I don’t care how many fish there are in the sea. I don’t want a fish. I want you.” Unknown.

"If one day you realize that I haven’t talked to you in a while, just remember you were the one who pushed me away." Unknown.

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.” Dead Poets Society

"No, I do not love him. Would I be sad if he died? yes." Rachelle.


"You change for two reasons: either you learn enough that you want to or you’ve been hurt enough that you have to."

How did we become so broken?
We fell in love, and at some point, the people we love forgot to love us back.

We stopped looking for the monsters under our beds when we realized they were inside of us

Thank you.

"I’m sorry for a lot of things, but most of all that I never got the chance to tell you that, no matter what happens next, I’ll never be anything but grateful for every moment I spent with you. And even though I keep fumbling for the right words, all I really wanted to say was thank you."
The Land Of Women.

I read this and thought of you. There are a thousand things I want to tell you yet somehow I just can't seem to get them right. So I wait. I wait and I am quiet and strong and patient. As I read this, I realized those were the two words I need to say, so for that, thank you.

Reality.

The cement was cold and it felt nice because the air was warming my skin and the rum was warming my soul. You asked me if I believed you. I told you yes, and I genuinely meant it. For the first time I believed you and I knew you were being honest. It was one of the first times that there was no joking, no messing around, and no laughing. It was one of the first times we were real. I wanted to tell you, but I stopped myself. I think it was for the better.

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Now playing: A Fine Frenzy - Think Of You
via FoxyTunes

be honest.

"I laughed and said, Life is easy. What I meant was, Life is easy with you here, and when you leave, it will be hard again."

love the way you lie.

Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie

Reminders.

Cleaning my room, looking around I find that I leave myself little reminders of the ones I love, and the ones who love me. I used to think that I kept these things because I couldn’t let go of them, because I was a pack rat. In a way that’s true, but mostly, I think I keep these things, these little trinkets that to the untrained eye may be stupid junk, for a very specific reason. I keep them because when I’m cleaning my room I see them and think of the person they remind me of, and it always makes me smile. I love to reminisce, and this helps me do it.

For example, yesterday I saw a pink dinosaur water bottle, made for children, purchased for adults. The liquid inside that they had the audacity to call juice, tasted like swamp water. And not the swamp water that kids make at soda machines where they mix them all together, but actual moss filled swamp water. That was the first thing I remembered when I saw the bottle, but then I remembered why I had it in the first place. My twin, who actually is not my real twin so much as me in another body because of the ridiculous amount of things we have in common, that’s who I had this one for. I bought us both one, she loves dinosaurs and I saw them at the store and knew we had to have a pair. Twins need little twins. Then the bottle that reminded me of her reminded me of her laugh, how it was contagious and could always brighten my day. I wish I could bottle that laugh and sell it, I would probably get rich pretty fast.

I put the bottle down and continued cleaning. Next find: a normal looking, old, piece of paper, folded and unfolded nearly a million times. It’s a letter I have had for 4 years from one of my best friends back home. It always makes me laugh because she is a writer, a great writer, and her letter was in a sense a short story. It was a story about how the pen she was writing with was coming to life and having a conversation with her, about me. I love her handwriting, and I love that letter.

I leave myself little reminders of the ones I love, and the ones who love me.

Laughter.

My favorite way to laugh is with my whole body. The kind of laugh that almost hurts because I am using every single muscle in my body. The kind of laugh where, just for a second or two, I can't breathe. Tears come pouring down my face, not because I am sad, but because my body loses control due to the laughter. And in this moment, this tiny moment in comparison to the rest of my life, in this very moment, I am as happy as I can possibly be.

Because, really, how much happier can someone be than that?

I'm glad I have people in my life that make me laugh with my whole body.