Whoops.

It's been a while...I promise I'll try to come back and visit more often. But, in the meantime, I have become addicted to tumblr :) I'm a huge fan.

http://cosmiclove42.tumblr.com/

if you are on tumblr say hi. If not, well, then I still love you.

Pictures on display.

Everything about this is different. So much has changed. Sometimes I feel like I was somehow standing still, while everything around me was racing past. Like in those movies where they just stare blankly out into nothingness, not really noticing the chaos. Except for in my reality, I could see it. I could see the chaos and I could feel it, but that’s it. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t touch it and definitely couldn’t do anything to change it. I know that it’s true that people come in and out of your life. Leave you breathless, wondering what happened and where things went so astray. I get that, I understand that these things happen and people change. That part is clear. What is not as clear is the part that gets me every time, the part that leaves me feeling depressed and nostalgic; the how. How did we get to this point? It all happened so fast. Like a switch was turned and these people who were at one time so important to me, were gone. You were gone.

I sit back in my bed. Reading. There’s a line, or a phrase, something, just anything that reminds me of you. I can’t help it and I suddenly get this urge to call. But I don’t. I lay back down and realize that things are different. I can’t call and I can’t see you. I know things are like this for a reason. I know this is the way it is supposed to be, but that doesn’t stop me from wondering how you are. How they are.

How did we get to this point where talking is effort and missing you is taboo?

“Had I tried a little harder to make you stay, would I still have your picture on display?”

Nah, and that’s okay.

Fear.

Fear.

It is what is keeping us apart.

Secretly, I also think it's what is keeping us together.

Fear of loss, fear of love, fear of hate, fear of happiness.

You've been broken and the pieces you are missing keep showing up unexpectidly.

You're not sorry.

“All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I’ve been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down

And it’s taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you’re thinking we’ll be fine again
But not this time around

You don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t wanna hurt anymore

And you can say that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you baby
Like I did before
You’re not sorry, no, no, no, no”